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I fell asleep for no reason after 12 o'clock and slept until after 4. Woke up and chatted with gork. 🥹 We chatted and chatted, eventually talking about Maslow's hierarchy of needs, and even got to recommending books. He recommended a lot of books to me, and I'm most interested in this one at the moment.

Because I'm someone who's very afraid of the finitude of life, someone with time anxiety. Although in many people's eyes I seem lazy, quite relaxed, and even enjoy the present moment. But actually, since I was little, I've had a very deep, deep fear of the "finiteness of life." That's probably why I like thinking about life, existence, and other seemingly trivial things.

Life is only four thousand weeks. Acknowledge the finitude of life, and then choose how to spend it.

I am indeed consciously making myself live in the present, by facing the fear of time's finitude, by acknowledging that time is limited.

I hope I can walk the path I've chosen with determination, becoming more and more steadfast. Although I still question myself and feel lost, sometimes wondering, "Why is it so easy and effortless for everyone else?" I also clearly perceive my own growth. My path is difficult but true. I want to embrace this truth, just like I tell myself, "Be honest with yourself."

I'm afraid of many things, afraid I won't succeed, afraid of being self-admiring. But what can I do? I can't go back to my old version, and I can't instantly master my current operating version. I can only move forward with fear every day. In the end, read more books, see more how others live, enjoy more natural scenery. Over. Going back to sleep.

I thought of that life grid chart the teacher showed in a university class. I even took a photo. The phone is long retired, but that photo is still saved in the cloud. I forgot what that class was about. Hope after reading this book, I can gain some good insights.

Acknowledge the finitude of time, acknowledge my own limitations, acknowledge my personality traits.

A recent new insight: Humans are not lovable because of "perfection," but because of those "seemingly dark sides/imperfections" that make them appear truly lovable.

One of my favorite movies: The Best of Youth (Parts 1, 2, 3). Back then, I saw the divinity, humanity, and fragility of humans. I'm afraid of my fragility, but I also truly feel my difference from others. (It's really not self-admiration.) Perhaps I will be slower and have a harder time than others, but I will also be deep and true. Over.

I can choose the easy mode, and I also have the right to choose to challenge this mode and achieve what I want. Perhaps, in the end, both paths lead to the same destination. But I will definitely love the me from the latter path more. Over.